Early in the morning, risin’ to the street Light me up that cigarette

Today marks 15 days since I quit smoking. Other than a few puffs on one Al Capone cigar on day 2..I haven’t cheated.  It has been rough. Night 2 was scary. Shaking, waking up in a panic, gasping, clutching my chest.  It was very dramatic, according to my sleepmate. Although I have quit before, this time has been the worst, physically and emotionally. I think because I know how much it matters now. I’m getting older, I have a kid who is old enough to shame me for it, a kid who needs her mom around for a very long time.  I think I always knew I was going to go back to it eventually, every other time, even three years later. Which I did.  This time I went into quitting very stubbornly, it took months to talk myself into it. I didn’t want to at all.  I think I knew this time would be the last time I quit. It’s hard to say goodbye to something you do all day long, that you think makes you feel good, that you think makes your coffee taste better. The only thing you allow yourself to give you a tiny little high cuz you grew up and drugs are bad, mmkay? I was a wretch to my husband. For many days.  But today at day 15, I’m so proud. I’ve saved money, I’ve started to reverse damage done, and I’m doing fine. Coffee isn’t even that great and a vanilla chai latte tastes amazing without a cigarette. If you are thinking about quitting, do it. If I can do it, you can do it. What is a few days of feeling like shit? What is a week of calling your spouse terrible names? Knowing that in 15 days, you’ll be totally fine. Cravings will pass quickly, you will keep on keeping on.  And your loved ones will thank you and you will love yourself more for it.

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