Lulu Guillermo gets pinched


The first time we lived in Southern California as “adults” – at the ripe old age of 24 – I was a new mom and still paying the price for being an animal hoarder in my even earlier 20’s. When you’re all ready stuffed in a tiny 2 bedroom in the gutter of Escondido, what’s one more?

Not long after we moved in, a few doors down from where the scum of the earth, child-murderer, Scott Peterson was kicking it with his girlfriend, I met Guillermo.  He was just a few weeks old and getting flopped around in the loving hands of little children. I will never forget his mom grabbing a kitten in her mouth and scurrying back to their apartment, only to have it eagerly picked back up by grubby little human paws.  The kids informed me that their mom said they were free and needed homes, otherwise they would be going to the shelter.  I couldn’t have that.  I told them to bring me one, I didn’t care which, as long as it was a female, as soon as they were ready to leave mom.

A not-s0-weaned Guillermo showed up a couple of weeks later and forever changed our family.  I should say “LuLu” showed up.  Little cute LuLu who immediately took a liking to our beast of a cat, an Egyptian Mau named Scooby.  Scooby was a horrible kitten. We wanted to drown him and often.  Despite the fact that we had spent $900 on this rare breed of kitty, the only time we have or ever will spend that kind of dough on an animal. He sprayed, he pooped on fireplace mantles, he bloodied our arms and legs.  He was a scary guy. When the little grubby hands dropped off LuLu at my door one afternoon, they said their mom was asking for $10 or whatever we could afford. I thought it was free. Whatever.  I gave them $12, all the cash I had on hand, I figured they needed it more than we did.  It was the best $12 I ever spent.  This sweet kitten turned a beast of a cat into an old softy.  The kitten immediately snuggled up to Scooby and began to suckle on his man boobs.  We figured the kitten was about to die.  With wide eyes, Scooby not only allowed it, but seemed to love it.  These two would spend the next 8 years together, with the sweetest relationship I’ve ever witnessed between felines.  The man boob suckles never stopped. Even when Guillermo grew to be larger than his large Papi.

Long story short, LuLu had a wiener. LuLu became Guillermo. Scooby went to kitty heaven 2 summers back. Guillermo turned out to be 20 lbs. His head is huge. His feet are huge. He is a large cat.  He is the sweetest cat.  We think Scooby made him this way. And we surely deserved it for putting up with his first two years of life.  When you weigh 20 lbs and you wouldn’t hurt a fly and you go limp noodle anytime anyone is bothering you….you get picked on.  It’s life.


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